Check in - 385.4

2 weeks of no weigh ins and I'm up 4.5 lbs. 

Accountability time... 

I have not been tracking calories at all. 

I had a birthday in between where I ate all the things that I have been doing well to avoid eating (see: chocolate, cheesecake, alcohol). 

I have had a pretty good 2-3 days of intense depression in the last two weeks. 

Will and I have been arguing so the idea of marriage has not been an inspiring one. 

AJ has cancelled our gym time 3x in 2 weeks - I haven't given her much crap about it.

A period has come and gone (usually drop water weight during the placebo part of my pill). 

So... what am I going to do to turn it around? 

Get active on MFP. 

Drink SO MUCH WATER. I want my nalgene to become my left hand. 

Get physically active. 

I need a game plan for when I can't count on AJ. I need to be able to count on myself to pick up the slack. 

I have noticed that my inner thigh and inner section of quad on my thighs is incredibly weak. I think it's from my thighs getting so big that I have to change the motion of my walking. I did 2 lunges, got in there real deep... I couldn't control it and wound up with a knee on the ground. After tensing up and using the wall as an assist I got back up to standing and I was sore for 3 days. That is so far from where I have been before. 

Let's take into account that 1) I was training pretty intensely and living a more active lifestyle. 2) I weighed less at EVERY TIME IN MY LIFE OTHER THAN NOW - so even my more active self would be sore at lunging with 380+ lbs. So I'm cutting myself a little slack and understanding. 

So what I am going to be researching is ... 

- will walking or using an elliptical continue to degrade those muscles or cater to the ones that are already stronger? 

- how to strengthen the muscles that have weakened without doing damage to my body... 

- Can I upgrade my gym membership to include any guests I would like - within the constraints of my budget - so I'm not tied to only AJ as my gym buddy? 

- What can I do at home with body weight to increase muscle mass? 

I know the answers to some of these. But I feel like researching will help me refresh on the newest and best information for my current body (not the body I was working with 80lbs ago). 

This is the prescription I would LIKE to follow if/when AJ bails on me. 

5 minute walk around the block.
- 10 lunges right
- 10 lunges left
- 10 pushups
- 10 squats
- 10 tricep dips (or with band).
- 10 bicep curls
- 60 seconds of plank.
stretch. 

Go slowly. Think about form. Don't get intimidated by some knee gristle. And this is a pretty good 'scrip until I can do it without wanting to give up or modify to lower numbers. 

NEXT WEEK... 

- Track calories every day. 

- Drink water. 

- Do the work out scrip 2x 

- Don't overdo it in Idaho. 

Check-In 380.8

Week 3: 380.8 
-.2lbs for a total of 4.2 lbs lost out of 11 lbs this month so far... one more week to make the big push.

I saw 377.0 lbs this week. So I anticipate that some of this is sodium/water weight. I have been tracking calories alright until yesterday. Yesterday was rough. Candy in the office, went out to lunch with co-worker. Part of the difference between 380 and 377 is that baja burrito processing. I'm sure of it.

Tracking water: 1/7 - need to do better.
Tracking calories: 5/7 - starting to slack a little! Don't do it!
Taking measurements: tape is still AWOL.
Workouts: 2/3 two good swim classes. I'm still super sore from yesterdays. Here's to tomorrow!
Eat more veggies: 5/7 - I cooked a lot more at home this week.

Stuffed Acorn squash, Cauliflower cheesy mash, Zucchini Pasta, steamed broccoli, fresh green beans. I'm doing a little better with the veg this week. I'm still not getting enough servings but I'm determined to get more green in.

NEXT WEEK: 

• Track water every day - 120 ounces! 
• Track calories every day. 
• Stick to sodium goals. 
• Get to bed before 11pm every night. 
• Tues/Thurs Swim class. 
• Don't overdo it for your birthday. 

XO,
N

Check in: 381

I'm in a holding pattern.

Week 2: 381 -0lbs

4 of 11lbs lost towards this month's goal. I didn't do amazingly this week. I mean, I tracked calories every single day. So there is my biggest success. I didn't, however, keep a close enough eye on portions and I think I severely underestimated the caloric content of my sushi. Also,  keep in mind that last week I was benefitting from the system flush that comes after period land. 

Last week's goals in review: 
- Tracking water: I didn't use MFP, but I did make a more conscientious effort because I was taking expectorants to rid myself of this mucous-lined cough.
 - Make more food at home: Didn't happen. Will & I got into an argument about clean up. He thinks I'm a cyclone in the kitchen (loves what I make) but hates the clean up. So I didn't cook much. Mostly quesadillas.
- Tues/Thurs Swim class: It's technically Thurs/Tues swim class since I do Wednesday check-ins. I did Thurs, no Tues. My partner and driver missed class yesterday. I gave it a pass, since I will have to cancel one in the future for my trip to Idaho.
- Measurements: I have to find the tape before I can do anything like that. I'm also slightly resistant because of the no-loss week. :(

Victory:
Tracking 100% every day. Even snacky stuff that I wanted to sneak. I wrote it down because I'm the only one watching

This Week's Goals: 

• Track water - I want 100 oz every day (3 nalgene's). 
• Keep tracking calories... 
• Thurs/Tues swim class. 
• Add one extra gym session this week. 
• Eat more veggies - eating out or in, just eat some damn greens. 

XO, 

N

Check in: 381

Week 1: -4lbs. 

After the green shirt photos, down to 358.8

364lbs - 5/16/15. 

(385 down to 381). 4 of 11lbs lost this week. 

The next size down... 330

And I'm not shrugging this off to period water weight loss because... 

- I tracked calories every day. 

- I did both of the swimming classes. 

- I stayed away from most of the sugary shit (a little dark chocolate here and there). 

This week I plan to... 

- make more food at home. 

- start tracking my water consumption. 

and then after that... 320

- Tues/Thurs swim class 

- keep calorie tracking. 

- Get measurements - it will be important in the long run. 

This week's biggest struggle was trying to determine if I should cut myself down to 1800 or 1500 calories. I have listed 1500 calories on my tracker and know that I have a little wiggle room. Because whatever I actually entered, 1800 or 1500, I surpassed by about 200-300 calories. So set the limit lower and I can meet the 1800 goal. I'd like to surprise myself and hit the 1500 mark twice this week. 

Thinnest full body photo I have in my library - probably around 300 

Non-Scale Victory: Ordering down at Jimmy Johns. I normally get a turkey club, a cookie and sometimes a soda. Enough calories for pretty much an entire day. This time I nixed the cookie and the drink and ordered the veggie club. Cuts out the sodium from processed meats and helps me meet that greens quota for the day. 

I'm curious as to when I start feeling a difference in how my clothing fits. That will probably be way further down the line... I'm thinking 6 months from now I can start digging the old "doesn't fit" collection out of the bottom of the closet and start trying things on again. I really look forward to accessing that wardrobe again. 

I dug out a lot of photos from thinner days. It's amazing how it seems like 80lbs when working the actual numbers doesn't seem like much. But to see how different it looks in actual weight is fascinating. 

XO, 

N

A most exciting day...

Will and I set a goal today.

My weight is out of control right now. I weighed myself yesterday and I was at 385. The number, despite my best thoughts about weight loss, just keeps going up. I say thoughts because my actions have not aligned with my mirage-like goal.

My goal is to lose 200lbs in 18 months. That is about 11 lbs a month. When I hit my goal... We can get engaged. I am ecstatic about the thought. My heart is exploding in my chest with want. Both of those things would really make a huge difference in my life.

That will give him time to work out whatever emotional baggage he needs to. That will give me time to work out the literal fat baggage.

I can't believe how out of control my weight has gotten. I weighed 330 when I moved here on 8/5/2014. In a year I have gained 50lbs. It seems that the bigger I get, the faster it packs on. All that aside (there will be plenty of time to hash out the gory details along the journey), I've got some planning to do.

Tools for Successful Weight Loss... 

- calorie tracker.
- getting rid of the sugary shit (see: ice cream, halloween candy and bread).
- accountability and statistic tracking (see: this blog).  

The Structure... 

- Wednesday Weigh ins.
- Tues/Thurs swim class with AJ.
- Saturday meal planning and pre-enter it all into the calorie tracker so I just need to make adjustments.
- Sunday cook-a-thons (see: chicken breasts over salad, pre-bagged veg, nut and cheese snacks). 

Bad Habits... 

- netflix binges.
- coming home and not being active.
- Sitting for too long at work - take real 10 minute breaks and walk around the building or something.

There are definitely more bad habits to address such as broken patterns in thinking, attitude towards health and fitness, my relationship with food. But for the most part, kicking the laziness is going to be a good step in the right direction.

I have tried blogging to get back on track so many times before and it's failed repeatedly. That's why I'm not inviting anyone to this blog. No one I know. This needs to be my quiet effort. So I can be honest about my shortcomings and very frank about my struggles without hurting anyone's feelings. At minimum I would like to update this every Wednesday morning before Will gets out of bed and I get that angst about not getting anything done with my day... turn it into a good productive record taking time. If I can update it more frequently, well then I certainly win, don't I!?

XO,
N