Well... Time certainly has passed. Here we are 16 months into the 18 month self-challenge and it seems that I have done pretty much the opposite of what was intended.
Starting: 381.0
Today: 413.8
A gain of 32.8lbs. I'm actually pleasantly surprised. Because for more than a years worth of time to pass and for it to be less than 50lbs is pretty good for me. This is also not my highest weight.
Recently, I've completed a 6 week crossfit challenge and joined a cross fit gym. That helped me drop about 6-8lbs (depending on the day). I worked at PS dental where the dentist was constantly judging the food choices I made. I had a coworker, Judy, who would go on 3 day diets and need a cheerleader.
I've checked back in on the blog because I'm in that mindset again. Forgive me that it's January. It's just the timing of all these life changes that have been coming down the pike.
I got a new job recently. I'm working for a law firm - which is completely foreign to me. I've never worked in law before... ever. But I'm starting at the bottom (Department Assistant) and will, in time, climb my way to the top.
I'm pumped about it. I love a challenge. I am also so excited because this image of who I want to be as a grown up is taking shape.
- Job that makes me feel fancy and capable. Where smart is the least you can be and cleverness is rewarded.
- Work perks including: quarterly $$ bonuses for healthy living, an onsite gym, healthy snacks in kitchens and whole foods across the street for a lunch time shopping trip or deli stop.
- Two words: Standing Desk.
- Commutable - Walking to and from the bus every day adds 1.5 miles of walking to my day.
- I don't have to rely on Will for rides as much (weather permitting). Which means fewer arguments and I don't have a lot of time to catch his melancholy.
- Also, very near my gym - so the work to gym to home commute isn't taking me all over the city.
- 9am - 5:30pm hours that make me feel like my morning is calm, that I can be a little early. Evenings early and late enough that I can catch performances downtown, or grab a drink with a coworker, or browse Powell's City of Books before I hop on my bus home.
It's silly - but I feel free. I feel like I can start shaping my life a little more. I can start making things work for me instead of me having to accommodate everyone else. The meetings I've had with HR reflect that work/life balance is super important for the firm. They aren't trying to take advantage of anyone. They are doing more than just what gets them tax breaks to make their employees feel valued. Is this what it feels like to be valued?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Health goals...
- Lose 100lbs in 14 months
- Process my emotions more healthfully
- Work on my communication with Will
- Feel less burden on my joints
- Feel capable and strong.
- Hit the quarterly bonus every time.
So here's the deal folks. I'm still in love with Will. We are crossing year 5 this summer. Some of the magic and romance has died. Maybe an engagement isn't the best motivator. But this bum right knee sure is.
I am definitely feeling the pinch in my joints and back aches and gristle and pops that I have been warned about. I need to get this weight off ASAP. Not to mention the psychological and sexual effects it's having - but I hope to explore those as we get further into this mess.
Let's get numeric...
My goal is 2lbs per week x 58 weeks = 116lbs (with 100% consistency - psh, I'm good, but not THAT good).
BMR: 2682 according to
these people. 2682 x 7 days = 18,774 per week! Now I take things like BMR calculations with grains of salt. Never exactly what they say is happening, so I will round down on calories. 2000 calories on a work out day - 1800 calories on a non-work out day.
2lbs per week is a 7000 calorie deficit that I need to hit.
- 3500 can come from fitness (500 calories of activity per day).
- 3500 can be factored into diet editing. (500 fewer calories than my BMR - Target: 2000).
OR
- 700 fewer calories (1900) per day
- 300 more activity burned calories
300 calories is 40 minutes of 2mph walking
300 calories is 32 mintues of 2.5 mph walking (think 80BPM - I just made you a playlist, Nanette).
300 calories is 15 minutes of using the elliptical (at a moderate "no, I can't talk" pace).
300 calories is 28 minutes of rowing (light effort)
300 calories is 20 minutes of light bike riding (10mph)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Game Plan...
I would love to get all specific and plan out every week and what should work and then back myself into a corner that I can't change my plans or I get so far behind I give up.
So let's do this weekly again.
This week I commit to:
- Staying under 1900 calories on non-workout days, 2000 on crossfit days.
- 300 calories per day of activity (easy peasy on crossfit days!)
- 1 Sunday weigh in
- 1 blog
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nanette -
No one is reading this but you. This is a safe place for a very honest dialogue with yourself. Some discretion regarding your relationship and your job is to be expected. But please don't back down from uncomfortable subjects or numbers. There is nothing to be ashamed of except silence and apathy.
You know that "not caring" is the easiest way to give yourself an out. Don't do it. You are worth giving a damn about. You are worth fighting for. This is your body. This is how you will experience the rest of your life. It's okay to have some pride in it. It's okay to be a little vain. How cool will it be to have this success story?
I love you. Keep working. Stay focused. Don't let Will derail you. Don't let work derail you. Don't let anyone distract you from your future.
XOXO,
Nanette
