Check in: 413.4

Okay so Dietbets have come and gone. I was gung-ho about them up until I had to start doing my initial weigh ins after a very dehydrating flu. There was no way I was going to hit those metrics. So... another fad tried. Another fad failed. And with it a stupid amount of money.

So onto the next one!

I returned to my nurse practitioner in March to get back on board with accountability. I was seeing scale readings in the high 440's and stopped weighing in all together. I had to admit to her that she was right. I need antidepressants in the brutal pacific northwest winter months. I have been eating and spending myself into numbness. I was approaching her from a very depressed place. Will had been worried because I was saying things like "Why try? Why not just eat myself to death?" and while I am not certain I was serious about death, the desperation was deep and real.

She noted on my return visit that my BP had risen some more. Very strong correlation to the ever increasing weight problem. And that reaffirmed her determination to get me off of estrogen based birth control due to potential clotting issues.

I had recently watched a netflix documentary called Take Your Pills. It had sort of villainized medications and I saw the one she had suggested listed there,Vyvanse. The message I got from the documentary was that all these people around me at work that I was intimidated by are probably all using these mental stimulants or used stimulants to get through law school. Many successful and rigorous educational institutions have tons of kids using these ADD and ADHD drugs to get ahead and the cost is that continued long term usage can cause kidney/liver failure. Long term obesity can cause organ failure too.

I let her know I was open to trying Vyvanse. I had also been reading a lot of information about Keto diets and my friend Mark had mentioned someone's success following that eating plan. I researched it for maybe 2-3 hours and then just decided to jump in. I started Keto the same day I filled my prescription. It was the best thing that has happened for me in years.

The Vyvanse is a game changer. It slows down my impulses. It gives me a moment between stimulus and response so that I can HAVE a thought pattern. Whereas before, if Will had mentioned the word pizza, I'd have it ordered for delivery before he completed his sentence. And my animal brain would eat and until it felt better. The rest of me, just along for the ride.

But now... now it was different. I could say NO. The timing was perfect. The diet and the pills at the same time. I wasn't so hungry that I couldn't rationalize with myself. I wasn't so impulsive that I couldn't make a better decision. I wasn't dying from keto flu because the brand new stimulant was pushing me through. I was mentally in the game... it is a challenge... a budget. 25g of carbs per day. Can I keep it under? Can I reinterpret all the old foods that I had justified and knew the calorie counts for... could I see them a new way that showed me their detriment?

125g carbs in 1 very dissatisfying donut. No thanks.
200g carbs in that pint of ice cream - nahh...
35g carbs in a ny slice - fuuhhhhhhh...

Wait though! That super fancy cheese I love from Whole Foods??? 0g carbs?!?! WHAT?!? perfect. this is a life I can live.

I've been doing Keto since 4/15... about a month and a half. I consider my starting weight 450. Though the actual weight was never documented. I am officially down 36.6 lbs. And for the first time in years I have seen the scale go this direction in years.

Stats that make me feel good.

• My morning blood glucose reading is down 17 units. 
• I am approximately the same weight now as I was in December 2016. 
• My clothes are fitting better, but I'm not yet officially down a full size, but getting close. I have less paranoia about my belly poking out of every shirt.  

I'd like to blog more about this in the future... but I can't make any promises.

Big Fat Love,
Nanette