Check-in: 412.8

Weigh in! 

This week: 412.8 
Last week: 413.8

Yahoo! 1 lb! I will celebrate it because this week my weight has consistently been going down... Each day a couple tenths of a pound. I'm fudging the numbers just a little because 412.8 was yesterday morning's weigh in. Yesterday was the women's march on washington. I did not drink enough water so I am discounting this morning's 414lb weigh in to water retention and taking yesterday's numbers. Because that's more representative of my efforts. and fuck you. I need positive reinforcement.

Food goal: Under 1900 on no-workout days, under 2000 on crossfit days.

Well... that didn't really go as planned. I had about 3/7 days compliance. And for that I was rewarded with some loss. Shows that math isn't really everything, but I'll try to keep following the numbers.

Activity Goal: 300 calories of movement a day.
Monday - no. Lots of snow - classes cancelled.
Tuesday - no. Ice storms.
Wednesday - YES! Crossfit + TONS of walking at work.
Thursday - YES! 12k steps on my fitbit.
Friday - YES!  10.5k steps on my fitbit - took a walk to Dick Blick and wallpapered my office.
Saturday - YES! 11k steps on my fitbit - Women's March.
Sunday - Today... well... I've not done much but I've not eaten anything either.

I would say that's a pretty great week... I'd give myself an 80% on that exam. A solid B effort. A effort would be pulling the calories in with no drinking, and meeting the food goal at least 5/7.

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This week's goals: 

Food: 1900 on non-workout days. 2100 on workout days.
Activity: 2 classes of crossfit, 5 days of over 10k stepping.

+ Sunday weigh-in.
+ 1-2 blogs: Stay focused, Nanette!

XO,
Nanette

Building a habit

Hey there, Nanette -

Just checking in with you to let you know I'm still paying attention.

The crappy weather is slowing down my commitment to physical activity and my calories got out of control yesterday.

Let's review.

Calories... 

Goal: 1900
Actual: 2254 (ish).

The biggest calorie sin was the Petit Ecolair cookies. I could have done without. Why did I eat them? I wasn't hungry. Because chocolate tastes good? Why not save them for one of those intense craving days? I wasn't even looking for something sweet. I just knew that if I didn't eat them, Will would. He already ate most of the other box. He's bad at sharing - very first come, first serve. As opposed to my - your half, my half - type sharing.

Activity... 

Goal: 300 calories of something.
Actual: Maybe 100 calories of moving buckets.


I could have done better by participating in more activity at home. I mean, I may not be able to walk for 30 minutes without running into lots of walls, but I could get out the weights or do some body weight exercises. I mean, it's not like you the 6 weeks of crossfit failed to give you tools to get your body in motion at home. Not everything requires equipment.

(mental rebuttal) - but it does require space - this fucking garden is taking over the house. I need some frigging floor space. 

That's neither here nor there, that's purely a shitty excuse. Make space if you mean it.

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Today is about halfway through. Work was canceled due to potential freezing rain/ice storms that are supposed to be hitting this afternoon/evening.

I had coffee, a scone, a pear and a piece of toast so far (897). I'm on an okay route. I mean most of that is carb laden so I need to focus on some veggies this afternoon. Spinach wrap (649) with cucumbers and feta? Snack on carrots and still come in under my calorie goal.

I took a walk (dangerous with all the ice out) to the coffee shop and I will be scrubbing buckets this afternoon which is more labor intensive than you think. When I input the activity into MFP I call it "housework" because it is pretty active. I am committed to giving Will 30 - 60 minutes of that... then doing the dishes.

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Nanette,

I love you. You're doing a good thing for your body. Thank you for taking the time to think through the food and movement stuff. You are worth taking the extra effort to eat healthy foods and to sweat a bit. Hard work for the future you - not just to help Will out - cleaning buckets and doing hard things is for you too.

Working hard is mostly a favor for yourself. Get out there and get it, girl!

XO,
Nanette

P.s. Have you considered taking a photo for comparison? That way you don't have to rely on other folks' opinions about whether or not you're making progress.

Checking in: 413.8

Well...   Time certainly has passed. Here we are 16 months into the 18 month self-challenge and it seems that I have done pretty much the opposite of what was intended.

Starting: 381.0
Today: 413.8

A gain of 32.8lbs. I'm actually pleasantly surprised. Because for more than a years worth of time to pass and for it to be less than 50lbs is pretty good for me. This is also not my highest weight.

Recently, I've completed a 6 week crossfit challenge and joined a cross fit gym. That helped me drop about 6-8lbs (depending on the day). I worked at PS dental where the dentist was constantly judging the food choices I made. I had a coworker, Judy, who would go on 3 day diets and need a cheerleader.

I've checked back in on the blog because I'm in that mindset again. Forgive me that it's January. It's just the timing of all these life changes that have been coming down the pike.

I got a new job recently. I'm working for a law firm - which is completely foreign to me. I've never worked in law before... ever. But I'm starting at the bottom (Department Assistant) and will, in time, climb my way to the top.

I'm pumped about it. I love a challenge. I am also so excited because this image of who I want to be as a grown up is taking shape.

• Job that makes me feel fancy and capable. Where smart is the least you can be and cleverness is rewarded. 
• Work perks including: quarterly $$ bonuses for healthy living, an onsite gym, healthy snacks in kitchens and whole foods across the street for a lunch time shopping trip or deli stop. 
• Two words: Standing Desk.  
• Commutable - Walking to and from the bus every day adds 1.5 miles of walking to my day. 
• I don't have to rely on Will for rides as much (weather permitting). Which means fewer arguments and I don't have a lot of time to catch his melancholy. 
• Also, very near my gym - so the work to gym to home commute isn't taking me all over the city. 
• 9am - 5:30pm hours that make me feel like my morning is calm, that I can be a little early. Evenings early and late enough that I can catch performances downtown, or grab a drink with a coworker, or browse Powell's City of Books before I hop on my bus home. 

It's silly - but I feel free. I feel like I can start shaping my life a little more. I can start making things work for me instead of me having to accommodate everyone else. The meetings I've had with HR reflect that work/life balance is super important for the firm. They aren't trying to take advantage of anyone. They are doing more than just what gets them tax breaks to make their employees feel valued. Is this what it feels like to be valued? 

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Health goals... 

• Lose 100lbs in 14 months
• Process my emotions more healthfully 
• Work on my communication with Will 
• Feel less burden on my joints 
• Feel capable and strong. 
• Hit the quarterly bonus every time. 

So here's the deal folks. I'm still in love with Will. We are crossing year 5 this summer. Some of the magic and romance has died. Maybe an engagement isn't the best motivator. But this bum right knee sure is. 

I am definitely feeling the pinch in my joints and back aches and gristle and pops that I have been warned about. I need to get this weight off ASAP. Not to mention the psychological and sexual effects it's having - but I hope to explore those as we get further into this mess. 

Let's get numeric... 

My goal is 2lbs per week x 58 weeks = 116lbs (with 100% consistency - psh, I'm good, but not THAT good). 

BMR: 2682 according to these people. 2682 x 7 days = 18,774 per week! Now I take things like BMR calculations with grains of salt. Never exactly what they say is happening, so I will round down on calories. 2000 calories on a work out day - 1800 calories on a non-work out day. 

2lbs per week is a 7000 calorie deficit that I need to hit. 

• 3500 can come from fitness (500 calories of activity per day). 
• 3500 can be factored into diet editing. (500 fewer calories than my BMR - Target: 2000).

OR 

• 700 fewer calories (1900) per day 
• 300 more activity burned calories 

300 calories is 40 minutes of 2mph walking

300 calories is 32 mintues of 2.5 mph walking (think 80BPM - I just made you a playlist, Nanette).

300 calories is 15 minutes of using the elliptical (at a moderate "no, I can't talk" pace). 

300 calories is 28 minutes of rowing (light effort)

300 calories is 20 minutes of light bike riding (10mph) 

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Game Plan... 

I would love to get all specific and plan out every week and what should work and then back myself into a corner that I can't change my plans or I get so far behind I give up. 

So let's do this weekly again. 

This week I commit to: 

• Staying under 1900 calories on non-workout days, 2000 on crossfit days. 
• 300 calories per day of activity (easy peasy on crossfit days!)
• 1 Sunday weigh in 
• 1 blog 

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Nanette - 

No one is reading this but you. This is a safe place for a very honest dialogue with yourself. Some discretion regarding your relationship and your job is to be expected. But please don't back down from uncomfortable subjects or numbers. There is nothing to be ashamed of except silence and apathy.

You know that "not caring" is the easiest way to give yourself an out. Don't do it. You are worth giving a damn about. You are worth fighting for. This is your body. This is how you will experience the rest of your life. It's okay to have some pride in it. It's okay to be a little vain. How cool will it be to have this success story? 

I love you. Keep working. Stay focused. Don't let Will derail you. Don't let work derail you. Don't let anyone distract you from your future. 

XOXO, 

Nanette 

Check in - 385.4

2 weeks of no weigh ins and I'm up 4.5 lbs. 

Accountability time... 

I have not been tracking calories at all. 

I had a birthday in between where I ate all the things that I have been doing well to avoid eating (see: chocolate, cheesecake, alcohol). 

I have had a pretty good 2-3 days of intense depression in the last two weeks. 

Will and I have been arguing so the idea of marriage has not been an inspiring one. 

AJ has cancelled our gym time 3x in 2 weeks - I haven't given her much crap about it.

A period has come and gone (usually drop water weight during the placebo part of my pill). 

So... what am I going to do to turn it around? 

Get active on MFP. 

Drink SO MUCH WATER. I want my nalgene to become my left hand. 

Get physically active. 

I need a game plan for when I can't count on AJ. I need to be able to count on myself to pick up the slack. 

I have noticed that my inner thigh and inner section of quad on my thighs is incredibly weak. I think it's from my thighs getting so big that I have to change the motion of my walking. I did 2 lunges, got in there real deep... I couldn't control it and wound up with a knee on the ground. After tensing up and using the wall as an assist I got back up to standing and I was sore for 3 days. That is so far from where I have been before. 

Let's take into account that 1) I was training pretty intensely and living a more active lifestyle. 2) I weighed less at EVERY TIME IN MY LIFE OTHER THAN NOW - so even my more active self would be sore at lunging with 380+ lbs. So I'm cutting myself a little slack and understanding. 

So what I am going to be researching is ... 

- will walking or using an elliptical continue to degrade those muscles or cater to the ones that are already stronger? 

- how to strengthen the muscles that have weakened without doing damage to my body... 

- Can I upgrade my gym membership to include any guests I would like - within the constraints of my budget - so I'm not tied to only AJ as my gym buddy? 

- What can I do at home with body weight to increase muscle mass? 

I know the answers to some of these. But I feel like researching will help me refresh on the newest and best information for my current body (not the body I was working with 80lbs ago). 

This is the prescription I would LIKE to follow if/when AJ bails on me. 

5 minute walk around the block.
- 10 lunges right
- 10 lunges left
- 10 pushups
- 10 squats
- 10 tricep dips (or with band).
- 10 bicep curls
- 60 seconds of plank.
stretch. 

Go slowly. Think about form. Don't get intimidated by some knee gristle. And this is a pretty good 'scrip until I can do it without wanting to give up or modify to lower numbers. 

NEXT WEEK... 

- Track calories every day. 

- Drink water. 

- Do the work out scrip 2x 

- Don't overdo it in Idaho. 

Check-In 380.8

Week 3: 380.8 
-.2lbs for a total of 4.2 lbs lost out of 11 lbs this month so far... one more week to make the big push.

I saw 377.0 lbs this week. So I anticipate that some of this is sodium/water weight. I have been tracking calories alright until yesterday. Yesterday was rough. Candy in the office, went out to lunch with co-worker. Part of the difference between 380 and 377 is that baja burrito processing. I'm sure of it.

Tracking water: 1/7 - need to do better.
Tracking calories: 5/7 - starting to slack a little! Don't do it!
Taking measurements: tape is still AWOL.
Workouts: 2/3 two good swim classes. I'm still super sore from yesterdays. Here's to tomorrow!
Eat more veggies: 5/7 - I cooked a lot more at home this week.

Stuffed Acorn squash, Cauliflower cheesy mash, Zucchini Pasta, steamed broccoli, fresh green beans. I'm doing a little better with the veg this week. I'm still not getting enough servings but I'm determined to get more green in.

NEXT WEEK: 

• Track water every day - 120 ounces! 
• Track calories every day. 
• Stick to sodium goals. 
• Get to bed before 11pm every night. 
• Tues/Thurs Swim class. 
• Don't overdo it for your birthday. 

XO,
N

Check in: 381

I'm in a holding pattern.

Week 2: 381 -0lbs

4 of 11lbs lost towards this month's goal. I didn't do amazingly this week. I mean, I tracked calories every single day. So there is my biggest success. I didn't, however, keep a close enough eye on portions and I think I severely underestimated the caloric content of my sushi. Also,  keep in mind that last week I was benefitting from the system flush that comes after period land. 

Last week's goals in review: 
- Tracking water: I didn't use MFP, but I did make a more conscientious effort because I was taking expectorants to rid myself of this mucous-lined cough.
 - Make more food at home: Didn't happen. Will & I got into an argument about clean up. He thinks I'm a cyclone in the kitchen (loves what I make) but hates the clean up. So I didn't cook much. Mostly quesadillas.
- Tues/Thurs Swim class: It's technically Thurs/Tues swim class since I do Wednesday check-ins. I did Thurs, no Tues. My partner and driver missed class yesterday. I gave it a pass, since I will have to cancel one in the future for my trip to Idaho.
- Measurements: I have to find the tape before I can do anything like that. I'm also slightly resistant because of the no-loss week. :(

Victory:
Tracking 100% every day. Even snacky stuff that I wanted to sneak. I wrote it down because I'm the only one watching

This Week's Goals: 

• Track water - I want 100 oz every day (3 nalgene's). 
• Keep tracking calories... 
• Thurs/Tues swim class. 
• Add one extra gym session this week. 
• Eat more veggies - eating out or in, just eat some damn greens. 

XO, 

N

Check in: 381

Week 1: -4lbs. 

After the green shirt photos, down to 358.8

364lbs - 5/16/15. 

(385 down to 381). 4 of 11lbs lost this week. 

The next size down... 330

And I'm not shrugging this off to period water weight loss because... 

- I tracked calories every day. 

- I did both of the swimming classes. 

- I stayed away from most of the sugary shit (a little dark chocolate here and there). 

This week I plan to... 

- make more food at home. 

- start tracking my water consumption. 

and then after that... 320

- Tues/Thurs swim class 

- keep calorie tracking. 

- Get measurements - it will be important in the long run. 

This week's biggest struggle was trying to determine if I should cut myself down to 1800 or 1500 calories. I have listed 1500 calories on my tracker and know that I have a little wiggle room. Because whatever I actually entered, 1800 or 1500, I surpassed by about 200-300 calories. So set the limit lower and I can meet the 1800 goal. I'd like to surprise myself and hit the 1500 mark twice this week. 

Thinnest full body photo I have in my library - probably around 300 

Non-Scale Victory: Ordering down at Jimmy Johns. I normally get a turkey club, a cookie and sometimes a soda. Enough calories for pretty much an entire day. This time I nixed the cookie and the drink and ordered the veggie club. Cuts out the sodium from processed meats and helps me meet that greens quota for the day. 

I'm curious as to when I start feeling a difference in how my clothing fits. That will probably be way further down the line... I'm thinking 6 months from now I can start digging the old "doesn't fit" collection out of the bottom of the closet and start trying things on again. I really look forward to accessing that wardrobe again. 

I dug out a lot of photos from thinner days. It's amazing how it seems like 80lbs when working the actual numbers doesn't seem like much. But to see how different it looks in actual weight is fascinating. 

XO, 

N